Mental health professionals tell us that when we are experiencing powerful feelings, we should “name them to tame them.” Psychology Today says, “This practice bridges emotional and rational brain functions, allowing individuals to pause, gain clarity, and respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.”
Last week I was feeling so many feelings it felt like I was trying to untangle a ball of yarn that the cat had attacked. I was angry, disappointed, disillusioned, fearful, frustrated; old hurts and scenarios were surfacing. Then something really good happened. I noticed through the warming rays of the sun, in the gentle breeze, a small nuthatch feeding at the suet feeder that I provide for them. I realized that in that moment I clearly felt joy. No untangling necessary. I stayed with that feeling for most of the remaining day. Music filled my afternoon, causing unbridled delight and some lovely memories. While listening to music, I found an old coloring book that was a gift from a loved one, and I colored! Yes, just like a five-year-old at day care, I colored for a couple of hours. It was extremely calming and centering. Try it! Later, watching the sun dip below the horizon, I was captivated by the clouds—a magical display of shifting shapes and vibrant hues. I felt more joy and quite content.
I know I have written about joy before, but for me, I need reminders as I can easily get swept away but the ugliness that exists in the world right now. I can feel the big feels that I can’t even find words for that drag me down into a very dark place…unless I find joy. I believe that it really is a choice for me, maybe for you, and I have proven it to myself time and time again. I do not bury my head in the sand, and I am no Pollyanna, but there is a balance. Some days I find it and I keep striving. A work in progress.
These women exemplify the ability to find joy amid chaos and adversity.
Kate Bowler is a Canadian academic, writer, and award-winning podcast host. She is an associate professor of American religious history at Duke Divinity School, where she studies cultural narratives around suffering, success, and change. Bowler is a four-time New York Times bestselling author, known for her book Blessed: A History of the American Prosperity Gospel.
In 2015, at age 35, Kate Bowler was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer. In a 2018 appearance on NPR’s “Fresh Air” with Terry Gross, she described the transition from being “Married in my 20s, a baby in my 30s, I won a job at my alma mater straight out of graduate school. I felt breathless with the possibilities” to “moving from the crisis phase to the chronic illness management phase.” Kate’s cancer is incurable but has responded to immunotherapy. Despite being given two years to live after receiving her diagnosis, Bowler celebrated her 45th birthday in June 2025.
Her new book, Joyful Anyway, is a poignant guide to finding joy and gratitude amidst life’s inevitable pain, disappointment, and “the ache” of being human. Kate draws on her experience with Stage 4 cancer and argues that joy is not about fixing or forcing happiness, but acknowledging that joy can coexist with suffering.
In the words of the great Maya Angelou, who certainly knew great pain and profound trauma, including childhood sexual abuse, racism, she chose to embrace joy. She said that “A joyful spirit is evidence of a grateful heart. “
My mantra for the week. I will not let the big feels overwhelm me. I will live in joy. Join me? We can do it you know!
I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.
Dawna Markova
Art by Lucy Campbell
