Our feelings are a gift – and a curse. All my life I have had big feelings. As a child and into adolescence, my family of origin didn’t allow big feelings or really any feelings. Out of necessity and for survival, I hid them. Yet, those emotions continued to churn and intensify. As an adult, after therapy and some hard work, I understand that a full range of feelings is a gift and now I celebrate them.
Ohio State University tells me that “…a full range of feelings-both positive and negative-is essential for mental, physical health and social well-being. It improves emotional regulation, reduces stress-related inflammation, enhances empathy, and provides vital data for decision-making. Allowing all emotions, rather than numbing or suppressing them, prevents any single emotion from becoming overwhelming, fostering psychological resilience.”
The article states that paying attention to our “gut feelings” is crucial and that “emodiversity” correlates with reduced depression, enhanced empathy, and a decreased risk of chronic disease through inflammation reduction. Feelings help us understand our own needs and motivations.
Dr. Christina Hibbert advises that, “Allowing our emotions to run their course while using curiosity, we can understand their root causes. We can then regulate and manage feelings, naming emotions and setting boundaries. Therapy, journaling, physical exercise, and mindfulness can aid us in processing a full spectrum of emotions.” Others have said that if things come to a boil, cry! Crying is cleansing, and it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, and it releases oxytocin and endorphins.
Let yourself cry over the beautiful sunset, or as your heart heaves over an exquisite piece of music, or that old folk song that evokes so much feeling. It is okay to cry those tears of joy. Sad and hurt tears flow over death, disaster, and many other negative things. But the tears help move those feelings on. Were you ever told, “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about!” as a child? Yeah, me too, and it wasn’t an idle threat. Crying is a natural and beneficial human response to many emotions, and crying offers physical and psychological benefits. Even pop culture sent us the message not to cry. In 1962, a number one hit on the charts by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, was “Big Girls Don’t Cry.” I bet you can still hear that song in your head!
How are you doing? Do you have tools that work for you dealing with all the big feelings right now? Sharing is helpful.
These women psychologists advocate for a “good cry” as a healthy emotional release. Tears lower cortisol and help restore equilibrium, and helps us manage stress. Crying releases neurotransmitters like oxytocin and endorphins, which relieve pain.
Dr. Lisa Damour graduated with honors from Yale University and earned her doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Michigan. Dr. Damour serves as a Senior Advisor to the Schubert Center for Child Studies at Case Western Reserve University and has written many academic papers, chapters, and books related to education and child development. Her three New York Times bestsellers—Untangled, Under Pressure, and The Emotional Lives of Teenagers—have been translated into twenty-three languages. As a celebrated psychologist and author, she says, “Letting tears flow releases tension and allows for clearer thinking.”
Dr. Lauren Bylsma is a psychologist. She received her master’s from the University of South Florida and doctorate from the University of South Florida. She is currently a clinical psychologist at the University of Pittsburgh with expertise in experimental psychopathology and naturalistic approaches to investigating emotional processing and regulation in depression.
Currently, her research focuses on the psychological and social functions of tears and why a “good cry” can improve mood.
Dr. Shannon O’Neil received her doctoral degree from Fordham University and is a National Register of Health Service Psychologist. She completed her American Psychological Association within the VA Health Care System. Her specialty is health psychology, and she works with post-traumatic stress disorder and cognitive- behavioral therapy for insomnia. She is currently at Mount Sinai Hospital, and her work focuses on helping people process emotions and triggers. She says, “Crying is a crucial, healthy response that helps people process emotions and triggers the parasympathetic nervous system for calm.”
Dr. Natalie Dattilo is a Clinical & Health Psychologist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, who specializes in highly effective, rapid-result, solution-focused treatment. She says that “being unable to cry can indicate you are disconnected from your emotions or clinically depressed.” She employs cutting-edge research techniques from psychology to neuroscience and medicine to help patients achieve wellness.
Sally Creed is a licensed counselor and the author of “For Crying Out Loud: The Benefit of Emotional Tears and the Moves That Bring Them On.” She believes tears are necessary for emotional health. She says, “Letting out tears is a great way to release hurt, sadness, or any intense feeling and help us stay balanced.” Sally has practiced for over thirty years and specializes in play therapy with children as young as two years of age. Her experience also includes parenting issues, individual therapy for adolescents and adults, and grief and trauma issues. How do you know when you might need to cry? She says, “You will know. Anger outbursts are a good indicator that you’re holding in too many emotions and need release.” Other symptoms, such as strained relationships, feeling overwhelmed, always turning to TV/alcohol/internet, etc., are also indicators. Her book contains 150 film recommendations for a “good cry”; but some of her personal favorites are Steel Magnolias, Imitation of Life, and Black Beauty.
Some music really does it for me; my personal favorites for that “good cry” are Kathy Ryan’s “Mother” and Mary Black with Emmylou Harris, “Only a Woman’s Heart.” They doit for me every time!
